‘’Most people donot listen with theintent tounderstand; theylisten with theintent to reply’’Pretend Listening:Have your child tellyou something.Pretend listen tothem. Talk abouthow this is hurtful.Practice using yourFamily Talking Stickduring discussions.The person with thestick can talk, theothers listen.Memorizethedefinition ofEMPATHY.Make atalking sticktogether asa family.List ways youwill Seek Firstto Understandothers that aredifferent fromyou.Talk about a timeyou did notunderstandsomeone else justbecause theywere different thanyou.Listen to thebookStand in MyShoes by BobSoronson onYouTube.Are you aware thatpeople in your familyhave feelings, too?List your familymembers. Each daywrite one feeling theyshowed.Funny Dinner Night:Purposefully leave outrandom items needed fordinner. The goal is forchildren to notice theneeds of those at thetable and to fetch thoseitems from the kitchen tomeet the needs of therest of the family.Watch SesameStreet: Mark andMurray onYOUTUBE as theyteach you a lessonabout havingEMPATHY.Words like “always”and “never” are cluesto muddying thewaters ofcommunication. Tallyeach time you usethem this month.People who chooseto Seek First toUnderstand haveEMPATHY. If youshowed empathytoday put an X onthis box.Today, look yourfamily members inthe eye as theytalk to you. Askthem to expand onwhat they aretalking about.Mirror, Mirror:Today use thisstatement toanswer back tofamily members:"So, what you aresaying is..."Listen With Your Eyes:Sometimes you have tolisten with your eyes asmuch as you listen withyour ears. People say alot with their bodylanguage and facialexpressions.What you saymatters (what youdo matters evenmore) – bemindful! Listenwith your hearttoday.Have you ever had atime with your familyor friends when youknew that you neededto “zip it” and justlisten? Talk about thattime at dinner tonight.Paying Attention:Fill a tray with 10-15items that children wouldbe familiar with. Leave itout all day withoutbringing attention to it. Atdinner ask them to namethe items on the traywithout looking.Watch TheBerenstainBears: NewNeighbors onYouTube.Write inyourdialoguejournal.Mirror, Mirror:Today use thisstatement toanswer back tofamily members:"You seem to befeeling..."Empathic listening isnot about agreeing withthe other (showingsympathy). It is aboutunderstanding whatmessage the other istrying to convey. It is theonly form of truelistening.Play EmotionCharades: Practice‘listening with youreyes”. Choose anemotion to try toexpress just with yourface and body. You cannot use words.‘’Most people donot listen with theintent tounderstand; theylisten with theintent to reply’’Pretend Listening:Have your child tellyou something.Pretend listen tothem. Talk abouthow this is hurtful.Practice using yourFamily Talking Stickduring discussions.The person with thestick can talk, theothers listen.Memorizethedefinition ofEMPATHY.Make atalking sticktogether asa family.List ways youwill Seek Firstto Understandothers that aredifferent fromyou.Talk about a timeyou did notunderstandsomeone else justbecause theywere different thanyou.Listen to thebookStand in MyShoes by BobSoronson onYouTube.Are you aware thatpeople in your familyhave feelings, too?List your familymembers. Each daywrite one feeling theyshowed.Funny Dinner Night:Purposefully leave outrandom items needed fordinner. The goal is forchildren to notice theneeds of those at thetable and to fetch thoseitems from the kitchen tomeet the needs of therest of the family.Watch SesameStreet: Mark andMurray onYOUTUBE as theyteach you a lessonabout havingEMPATHY.Words like “always”and “never” are cluesto muddying thewaters ofcommunication. Tallyeach time you usethem this month.People who chooseto Seek First toUnderstand haveEMPATHY. If youshowed empathytoday put an X onthis box.Today, look yourfamily members inthe eye as theytalk to you. Askthem to expand onwhat they aretalking about.Mirror, Mirror:Today use thisstatement toanswer back tofamily members:"So, what you aresaying is..."Listen With Your Eyes:Sometimes you have tolisten with your eyes asmuch as you listen withyour ears. People say alot with their bodylanguage and facialexpressions.What you saymatters (what youdo matters evenmore) – bemindful! Listenwith your hearttoday.Have you ever had atime with your familyor friends when youknew that you neededto “zip it” and justlisten? Talk about thattime at dinner tonight.Paying Attention:Fill a tray with 10-15items that children wouldbe familiar with. Leave itout all day withoutbringing attention to it. Atdinner ask them to namethe items on the traywithout looking.Watch TheBerenstainBears: NewNeighbors onYouTube.Write inyourdialoguejournal.Mirror, Mirror:Today use thisstatement toanswer back tofamily members:"You seem to befeeling..."Empathic listening isnot about agreeing withthe other (showingsympathy). It is aboutunderstanding whatmessage the other istrying to convey. It is theonly form of truelistening.Play EmotionCharades: Practice‘listening with youreyes”. Choose anemotion to try toexpress just with yourface and body. You cannot use words.

#5 Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood - Call List

(Print) Use this randomly generated list as your call list when playing the game. There is no need to say the BINGO column name. Place some kind of mark (like an X, a checkmark, a dot, tally mark, etc) on each cell as you announce it, to keep track. You can also cut out each item, place them in a bag and pull words from the bag.


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  1. ‘’Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply’’
  2. Pretend Listening: Have your child tell you something. Pretend listen to them. Talk about how this is hurtful.
  3. Practice using your Family Talking Stick during discussions. The person with the stick can talk, the others listen.
  4. Memorize the definition of EMPATHY.
  5. Make a talking stick together as a family.
  6. List ways you will Seek First to Understand others that are different from you.
  7. Talk about a time you did not understand someone else just because they were different than you.
  8. Listen to the book Stand in My Shoes by Bob Soronson on YouTube.
  9. Are you aware that people in your family have feelings, too? List your family members. Each day write one feeling they showed.
  10. Funny Dinner Night: Purposefully leave out random items needed for dinner. The goal is for children to notice the needs of those at the table and to fetch those items from the kitchen to meet the needs of the rest of the family.
  11. Watch Sesame Street: Mark and Murray on YOUTUBE as they teach you a lesson about having EMPATHY.
  12. Words like “always” and “never” are clues to muddying the waters of communication. Tally each time you use them this month.
  13. People who choose to Seek First to Understand have EMPATHY. If you showed empathy today put an X on this box.
  14. Today, look your family members in the eye as they talk to you. Ask them to expand on what they are talking about.
  15. Mirror, Mirror: Today use this statement to answer back to family members: "So, what you are saying is..."
  16. Listen With Your Eyes: Sometimes you have to listen with your eyes as much as you listen with your ears. People say a lot with their body language and facial expressions.
  17. What you say matters (what you do matters even more) – be mindful! Listen with your heart today.
  18. Have you ever had a time with your family or friends when you knew that you needed to “zip it” and just listen? Talk about that time at dinner tonight.
  19. Paying Attention: Fill a tray with 10-15 items that children would be familiar with. Leave it out all day without bringing attention to it. At dinner ask them to name the items on the tray without looking.
  20. Watch The Berenstain Bears: New Neighbors on YouTube.
  21. Write in your dialogue journal.
  22. Mirror, Mirror: Today use this statement to answer back to family members: "You seem to be feeling..."
  23. Empathic listening is not about agreeing with the other (showing sympathy). It is about understanding what message the other is trying to convey. It is the only form of true listening.
  24. Play Emotion Charades: Practice ‘listening with your eyes”. Choose an emotion to try to express just with your face and body. You can not use words.